Be prepared for a long and inconsistent entry! Many different things running through my mind. But there are so many things i wanna share too.. haha.. so here goes...

got back from watching BEWITCHED. It's got that "feel-good" touch to it.. and Nicole Kidman is so gorgeous.. to think she is already 40 yrs old.. she is still so pretty.. do i sound lesbian?? haha.. I still cant seem to do the twitching of the nose thing.. haha.. i look retarded.. But then again, it was good to have someone to laugh with and to share delicious popcorn with, and who can it be? No prizes for the right answer.. haha
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I found the other side of my earring. Yeah! Thought I had lost it forever.. and what do I see on the bathroom floor when I came home? The other side with the crystals shining right at me.. its like saying "pick me up, pick me up!" I was so upset when I found out I had only left with 1 side.. now that the pair is back together, I shall make sure they will be safe and sound. Never to be lost again! =)
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Experienced a heartwarming scene in the evening. There was a young couple that were sitting together in a crowded bus, laughing, enjoying each others' company and listening to music. Suddenly, the young man realised there was a old man standing beside them without any seat, he consulted his gf whether it was alright to give up his seat to the old man and leave her alone. The young man did give up his seat, leaving the girl with the music sitting in the far end of the seat. After sitting for a short journey.. the elderly man gestured to the young man that there was a seat available diagonally to them.. and he would move so the young man could sit back with his gf. That was so touching.. to see the generousity of the young man towards the elderly, and the kindness of the elderly to the young. Its quite rare to see cases like this in Singapore anymore. The girl must have been really proud of her bf.. at least I did. Felt very proud indeed. People nowadays are more self-centred and ambitious that they forget about the little things in life to be happy. Giving up your seat to someone who needs it more.. can bring a smile to one's faces cos there is the thought that we have done something good. This young man is definitely different from the rest of the male population, and for that, the young lady is grateful. =)
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Jubliee has good tasting popcorn.. the best I have eaten so far. Very addictive too.. haha
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I taught tuition for a freaking 7 hrs yesterday! An average of 3.5 hrs per kid.. was really exhausted.. but still made it down to church.. and i am glad i did. haha. I am kinda satisfied with the progress both kids are making.. they should be prepared for the coming CA.. hope they will score. hee..
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Why I am the way I am? Was asked that question recently.. this question totally buffed me, I have never thought abt why I am the way I am. Being shaped by my surroundings.. growing up with two older brothers.. 10 and 12 yrs older than me.. I always had a boyish, notorious streak in me. Finding ways to create havoc so people will notice me more.. instead of being over-shadowed by my brothers. Being the youngest with working parents and brothers that were never home.. I was always by myself. Talking to myself, playing with myself.. everything by myself. I became withdrawn and shy, anti-social even.. refusing to interact or mix with strangers or any other ppl except my immediate family members. And so, I was never liked by the older generation.

As I grew up, met new people, went to new schools, made new friends.. I realised that being all boyish and tough isnt gonna help me get anywhere. I would be just deemed as 'dao' or arrogant for that matter. I started to drop my toughness, and learn to be more sociable.. but I guess once you are anti-social, there will always be a streak of anti in you, no matter how much you try to change. I am self-conscious.. terrified of the images and impressions that ppl think of me. why? maybe insecurity you might say, or the fear that one day I will be left all alone by myself with myself and myself, cos no one wants to make friends with me. But as I drop my toughness gradually, people took advantage of that and used me.. betrayed me, stabbed me in the back. People whom I thought would never turn their backs on me, but they did. Sometimes, I think I try too hard for people to like me..

As time passes, I start to hide behind my mask, to conceal what I truely feel. My real self is tucked deep into me.. where no one can find it. I start to build up a wall dividing the real me.. and the 'me' that evryone sees.. what others see is not what i truely am. Behind the tough and happy 'me' was a girl who was emotional, insecure, and yet was still a boy at heart. Then I met someone who showed me that being tough is not everything. Even the toughest have their weaknesses, everything was fine throughout the first few years. Then evrything came to a standstill, I felt like I was alone again. No one to be with me when I was down, no one to run to and hold me tight. I tried to save it. Maybe inheriting my dad's side genes, I could not put down my pride to admit that cracks were surfacing. My tough side came up again, the impression given to my friends were that everything is fine.. everything is rosy-posy. But that is not the case. Overtime, I learnt to be strong mentally and emotionally, learnt to deal with disappointments without expectations.. till the day I felt strong enough to leave everything behind and move on.

I was never a nice person to begin with. I tried very hard in the past but its hell not in my nature. Sometimes I am horrified at the person that I am really am. With all the past events and the cornering of my surroundings on me, I cant be bothered anymore. I am tired of being nice. only to be stabbed in the back by people i trust most and try to consider what other people think about me. If I die alone, so be it. If I am friendless, and spend the rest of my life without anyone, so be it. I dont care. I dont care if I am named a bitch, or if I am violent and raised concerns among the humans. I dont care if I am portrayed as one that is un-ladylike, loud, stupid, clumpsy or etc. I am violent,strong mentally, yet still emotional, boyish, insecure, clumpsy, dumb, loud, a bum, untidy, talk without thinking etc.. and that is what I am. I have put down my mask for the time being, and I hope there wont be a chance for me to pick it up again.

All I wanna do now is to enjoy myself and embrace life to the fullest. For all the times that I lost and missed.
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I need an Oxford Dictionary of Sociology. Anyone wanna lend me?
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Break this week. A good time to catch up on work, esp when someone is in ROC. By the time he is back, I would have been on schedule with my lectures and tutorials. I got the lowest for my IBM surprise test, felt so dumb. wait a min, I am dumb. 3 weeks is an awfully long time.. but as everyone knows.. I will sure occupy my time very well.. haha
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thats all, for my second chapter of my inconsistent rantings.
tune in for more. =)