its starting to rain again.. what a nice way to describe how i feel...i am feeling so moody and down now.. and i want someone to complain and whine to.. to have someone to pacify me..and unfortunately, noone is free to play that role. So i guess my blog is the next best thing.

i m so tired of studying.. i feel so drained of having to meet up to certain expectations.. its always "Angele, i expect you to excel in this and that, must get all As k..". So much pressure.. and i m going to break down soon.. i cant take it anymore. I know.. its supposed to be good for my future.. but my mental self is coming down.. what if i dont meet up to that expectation.. i dont wanna be a failure but i cant bring myself up anymore to meet that standard.
i want to be free.. to be free of everything.. to jus spend the rest of my life with my friends, my baby n my family. I dont want anything else. Everything else is not important.

jace, i do fear being alone sometimes too. That everyone will leave me in one way or another. I would have noone to turn to, i would have to deal with everything on my own. i want time to pass slowly.. so everyone will stay here with me longer. i dread the time when people will leave me, and u will never know when they will return. What if by the time they return, they dont remember me.. what if they dont want me anymore, there are so many what ifs. Sometimes i forced this thinking out of my brain.. and try to concentrate on what i have now.. but its so hard to totally push it out of my mind.. its so hard, esp when i m alone by myself.

i do feel a little better.. but i guess i jus need a hug from my baby. with no conditions attached. i jus want to lie in his arms, and i m contented. and after that, all my troubles with disappear for good. That little gesture of holding hands in his parents car yesterday was nice, enough to let my tiredness go away.. and did i mention he looked gorgeous yesterday.. so handsome.. =) talking about him makes me feel happier.. now he is at a photo shoot with his parents, and his best friend. sounds exciting.

i am all alone at home..with noone to talk to, noone to play with, noone to fight with me, noone to hug me, noone to hold my hand, i think i should stop writting rubbish. gotta go for tuition later. i hope i will be able to meet him during the week.