i dont think i will be blogging here too often anymore..cos i would like to concentrate on my studies. as most of you know, i din do well.. meaning i probably have to retake my a's again. really disappointed w myself, but i sort of have come to terms with it...
i will still try and apply for that course in the uni, but at the same time register for my a's as a private.. and if i m lucky enough to be accepted, i can still withdraw frm the a's, if not i will jus have to retake.
i admit this is the first big failure that i have experienced in my whole life, the feeling of loneliness, disappointment, hopelessnesss etc.. all combined into one. it is a time of seeing all yr frens jumping for joy, knowing that they are able to enter university while you wont be able to join them. i m happy for them but.. what about me?
frens were msging me to ask me how was it.. how do u expect me to tell you... its bad enough that i did badly, while you all had excellent results. why must all of you smile and come up to me saying not to worry, saying i can always try again.. but what if i get worse results the second time.. i feel so lost.. i dunno where do i start from.. i cant seem to remember anything that i have studied.. how?
i know i said i have come to terms with my results.. but then maybe again i have not. i cant seem to face most people knowing that i am a failure. i cant bring myself to go for choir practice and see everyone.. to see everyone smiling and laughing while i m not inside. i dont want anyone to ask me anything... for fear i may not be able to control my tears. frm the day i got my results to now.. i have not dropped a single tear, maybe i jus din want anyone to know how depressed i was. but now u know.
i cant stand myself.