i'm back!! came back yesterday night. was so tired.. fell aslp almost immediately and only like woke up at12 this afternoon.. feel like a pig.
the retreat was really meaningful to me, this is like the first time i thought so much about stuff, usually i would jus choose to ignore it, and forget about it. hmmm... have been really thinking a lot those 3 days, my spiritual life, my personal life and basically about my real self. will i choose to continue running away or will i choose to stay put?
will i choose to talk it out or will i choose to keep it in my heart? havent come to a decision yet..
i felt like i had opened up myself in there, but yet i also felt that it was not the fullest that i opened up to. i cant seem to shake off the barriers that i have in my heart. its so hard... so so so hard.
will i ever see the light? i hope so.
as much as i wld like to cry it out. i dont in the end, cos i wont. i wont show my true feelings out will i? this is sick, wrong i m sick. -whatever-
altho i know for certain the ppl in concern would never get to see this, and even tho i have already said it. i have to say it again.
i m really sorry for what happened that day in there, i din mean to scare all those present that day.. and so heres my apologies. like to thank mel & danny for helping me in my worst time of difficulty(in every aspect of the word) and all others who were concerned about me. feel like such a loser(& thats in every aspect of the word too).
feel like shit.. shit.. shit...
everythin is sucky.
i feel rotten. (an apple that has worms in it)
where is me?
i dont like doors. i dont know where is it. i dun want to know where is it. or do i want to know.. i dont know...
i m not sure of anything nowadays. i suck.
-bleah-